Complainer or Influencer… Which Are You?

I recently had two very different conversations.

They were both with people who’ve had really hard cards dealt to them in this life. I mean, really hard.

Each had every right to complain. Each had legitimate reasons to get off track, or even quit.

The difference was one used the difficulties to empower her and propel her forward, and the other used those difficulties as a rite of passage to complain. To be a modern day Eeyore.    

I found myself extremely drawn to the one and willing to help in any way I could, and wanting the conversation with the other to be over as quickly as possible.

Does it mean I don’t care about the complainer? On the contrary. I care so much that I want to enter in and help in anyway that I can. But I can’t help if someone doesn’t want to help themselves.  

I recently heard a quote that has made a huge impact on me… “People don’t want to help you if you complain.

Simple but so true.

Read that again… “People don’t want to help you if you complain.

The hard truth is… nobody cares, if you complain. Oh, you may get the ears of a few, but they will quickly and mysteriously fade away.

But, if you embrace the suck and use it to fuel your influence and impact, you will see that people will rise up and rally to help.

The hard things are what tell the good stories… IF you let them. Sure, you have a right to complain, but the impactful people I know use those hard things to turn them into amazing stories of change.

We all have our hard. And some days, no doubt, each one of us feels like we’re in an ocean caught in the riptide wondering where air is. Maybe even for you it’s a lot more than “some days”.

I have a friend who has been dealt more crap in this life than any one person should ever have to deal with…. 

Could she complain and turn into the victim because of all the hurt she’s experienced? Could she use all the pain as reasons to justify checking out? Could she let circumstances control her reactions? Absolutely.

But, she won’t do that. Because she knows it will do no good. She has chosen to be strong.

She uses the hard things as a force to become different, and better.

She is strong. She is kind. She is a fighter. And as a result, she impacts people in life-changing ways. 

Here at 321Go, we see gym owners all the time in both camps. Some are stuck in complaining, woe-is-me mode… “I’ll never have what they have”, blaming everything on things external.

But… then.there.are.others – many others – who have grabbed the bull by the horns, and said, “No sir. Not today. Not on my watch. This business is MINE and I’m going to make something freaking awesome out of it, whatever it takes.”

These are the people we want on our team. These are the people who get it. These are the people seeing change happen. These are the people telling amazing stories.

You’ve got hard. I’ve got hard. That’s a given.

The real question is… what beautiful stories are we going to tell as a result of the hard cards we’ve been dealt?


Jennifer Walker2017-12-09 07:37:31

I relate sooooo much to this article! That was me! I was BOTH people. 2016 was my year of suck. Personal/family/friendships/business and all were impacted by the things that were happening, spiraling out of mine or anyones control. All people in my life got to see me be the train wreck and then (after getting so sick of myself) use the hardships as an opportunity to rise up and make changes. Not only do the people who rise up inspire me to be a better person, but I feel more confident in all forms of relationships when I take on the rise up mentality. You've got to be able to look in the mirror and say to your "self", we got this! I admit, when I was in that dark place and the complainer, I wouldn't even make eye contact with the person in the mirror. I lived both people. I also learned a lot from both. I've got stories, and I'm grateful to be where I am today. Thank you 3-2-1 Go Project team for this and for all of your support in helping us build better CrossFit businesses!

    321go2017-12-11 06:42:47

    Wow - this is great. Thanks for sharing Jennifer!! So glad you are moving in the right direction. Love that we are connected to you! :)

Carolyn Card2017-12-09 08:32:27

I hope to write my success story after the storm has calmed down because I know it won't be exactly the way I want it when I want it but I believe each stumbling block gives me more and more ammunition and collateral for a true success story. If it was easy, it would be boring.

    321go2017-12-11 06:43:56

    We can't wait for you to write that success story, Carolyn! And, yes, you are 100% correct - if it was easy, it'd be boring (and everyone would be doing it). Keep up the great work of change! :)


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